This is something I struggle with. I try to control things that are beyond my control. Not in a control freak sort of way, more of in an “I need my time to be MY time” sort of way. As if I can control when my daughter is sick! Or when something needs to get done immediately – that I was unaware of earlier.
But I find that as I become more and more aware of this side of me, the more I accept that I don’t actually have control, the easier things get.
Today, my daughter, Ellie, stayed home sick. In the past, my brain would have gone crazy with lack of sleep, going over and over all the things that I wasn’t accomplishing and I would have been in a bad mood most of the day. Instead, I just rolled with it. Got the things done that I could, figured out how to push what I could to tomorrow and just relaxed into it. And actually had a good day. Quite an accomplishment for me. I write this all down to remind myself that I am moving forward in this journey.
I know now that any tiny bit of control I seem to have is merely an illusion – and I’m getting more and more okay with that.